My Mum’s experience and mine: the difference a decade (or four) makes
I was born in 1980. The year the sixpence was retired, the UK competed at the Summer Olympics in Moscow and not long after Hercules the Bear was found safe and well after going missing for a few weeks in the Outer Hebrides. The new Ford Escort was on the road, political tension was high and breast was most definitely best.
My Mum fondly recalls giving birth and her resultant week long stay in the maternity ward, which was the norm back then. After I made a speedy entrance, a few weeks earlier than anticipated, she was on cloud nine. Until the topic of infant feeding was raised.
“How are we feeding this baby?”
She had already made the decision to formula feed me. Her reasons were personal; bodily autonomy, the need to get back to work and a desire to share the parenting responsibilities with my Dad. She expected to be supported by the Sister on the ward but instead she was shamed and bullied until she broke down in tears (and if you know my Mum you’ll know she never cries).
“There’s women in here desperate to breastfeed but have no milk, and here you are with plenty but you’re too selfish”
“You won’t bond with this baby”
“That baby is sick [with jaundice] and you’re making her worse”
Almost four decades later, Mum can still describe exactly what this woman wore, right down to the fact that she had ‘knees’ in her tweed skirt from repeatedly smoothing it over her legs as she sat by the side of each bed to deliver her sermon on breastfeeding.
That this has stuck with her for so long doesn’t surprise me. Sadly, all these years later, women still report feeling shamed for not breastfeeding, and report negative emotional responses to current infant feeding initiatives. Whilst we’ve gladly ditched the kneesy tweed skirts, we haven’t yet fully let go of the idea that breast is best.
However, I am pleased to report that the #FeedingForecast is looking a wee bit brighter; while there’s still a few cloudy patches, the sunshine is slowly breaking through.
Just a few months ago, I gave birth to my second baby, almost 40 years after my Mum walked through the doors of the maternity unit herself.
“How are we feeding this baby?”
I’ve decided to formula feed, after a few days of combi feeding colostrum. Like Mum, my reasons too are personal; bodily autonomy, getting proper sleep to protect my mental health and sharing the parenting responsibilities equally with Dad. I will admit, I was a little nervous telling the Midwives and Health Visitor my decision.
“Excellent choice. As long as Mum is happy, baby will be happy”
“Whatever you decide, we will support you”
“Here’s some formula if you need to top up, just ring us any time if you need anything”
What a difference a few decades make!
This is the type of unyielding support every new parent should get and our aim here at Feed is to continue campaigning and lobbying hard to make sure every new parent gets it #BottlesBoobsOrTubes
I was lucky too in that, with both my wee ones, I had the unwavering support of my Mum no matter what infant feeding option I decided on. She’s the best.
So, from this Mum and her Mum to you; please know that no matter how you feed your baby, you’re smashing it. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially if they’re wearing a kneesy tweed skirt!
